as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sex in a hospital.. check
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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