does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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