I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
