Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
