chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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