weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found puke in my bra..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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