I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
