i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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