I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
