vagina is talking i cant
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
