i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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