When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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