You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
