All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
