You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
