so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
