I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
