and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
