Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
