you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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