i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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