The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
