I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and she was petting her beer can
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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