He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
