I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
