The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
