Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
