dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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