ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
