I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
