I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
