I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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