yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
