His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
did i just pee glitter
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
