No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The air was thick with penises
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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