ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
