is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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