I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
