Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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