im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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