Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
