Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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