Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
