I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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