How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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