I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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