Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
