I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
