She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
