I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
