he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
