Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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