Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
