My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
