He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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