I think I won the penis lottery.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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