but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
