Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
