OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
