i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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