ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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