we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
