I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
