it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
