Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
