i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
