Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
