I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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