My cat gives me a boner
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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