soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
